Tuesday, 22 March 2016

TEN VITAL LIFE LESSONS IN TWENTY-FOUR YEARS

1. There are only two emotions; Love and Fear
There are only two emotions. Love and fear, everything else is just a by-product of one of the two. So you can choose to face things with fear or you can choose to face them with love. I choose love. Emotions that stem from fear are sadness, disgust, guilt, shame, inadequacy, jealousy, anger, control, confusion, anxiety, confusion, feeling hurt, loneliness and depression. Emotions that stem from love are unselfishness, tolerance, compassion, forgiveness, generosity, openness, honesty, confidence, kindness, freedom, being merciful, peace, humility and trust. I plan on operating with the latter list every single day because after all you get what you give in this life.

2. Gratitude is the key to happiness, it's that simple.
Cherish your time with those you love and always operate with a grateful heart. Right now I am living in limbo with a loved one. I don't know if we have a matter of months, years or decades, but what I do know is whether I have a day, week or year with anyone I love, I will appreciate them and they will know just how much gratitude and love I have for them! You can't cap time but you can enjoy the moment that you have, make memories and gain experiences to carry through this life and the next. I have written a post about all the little things and how focusing on them makes me happy here and I also write a gratitude diary every morning. When you start putting out these thoughts, you'll be surprised at how more things to be grateful for come flooding in! 

3. You do you, I'll do me & we'll let everyone else do them.
I read a book called 'me and my shadow' not so long ago and she used an analogy I loved; she wrote 'Imagine everyone on this planet has their own puzzle piece, and we are all holding it above our heads to make up the bigger picture, yet the problem is, people are so willing to fob it off to someone else and there are others that are busy tugging onto other people's in an attempt to control them... but imagine how well the world would work if you just took charge and proudly held your own piece up'. Amazing and true.

It goes hand in hand with the old saying 'you can't change someone' and you can't, but you also shouldn't try to. Mind your own business lady (or man) and focus on your life, the one that was given to you, to be yours. I believe relationships worth having are those where neither party wish to change the other. If you find yourself trying to change someone, or someone trying to change you then walk on by and find yourself a new path girlfriend (or boyfriend) because you are on the train to destination nowhere.

People must STOP blaming others for the outcomes in your life. Just stop. I have associated myself with negative people in the past and with hindsight I can say that; yes, these people were assholes and yes, they didn't deserve a minute of my time, but I was the primary abuser because I stuck around and allowed someone to treat me that way even though it is my job to control what I do. Once I learned that valuable lesson, I got rid of all the negative people and things from my life and became happier for it, but you need to take control of yourself only. No one else can control you and you should feel no desire to control them. Neither the puppet or the puppeteer are happy so we must move away from living in fear and control and towards living in love and freedom as I mentioned earlier.

4. Everything is internal so take absolutely nothing personally.
'You are at your most powerful when you take absolutely nothing personally'. I read a book called 'The Mastery of Love' earlier last year and this is the second agreement. I read a quote that read 'Imagine if you took absolutely nothing personally, imagine how powerful you would be' and it's so true. I don't take anything personally anymore. I know that it is all internal to that individual! (myself included). 

The next time somebody tries to hurl abuse at you or insult you, think what must be going on internally to them. They say 'nobody loves you' - what they mean is, they are loveless. They say 'you need to grow up' - what they mean is, they don't know what they are doing either. They call someone a liar or deceiver, they've probably lied to you a thousand times. People can only see what is internal to them, they can only see things from their own experiences and perceptions of the world. So if you find yourself in the company of someone who only has negative things to say, they're probably feeling pretty crappy on the inside and that is what they're projecting, so don't ever take any of it to heart. It doesn't mean to say that you let those who hurt you stay in your life because it wasn't 'personal' - you get rid of them and move on and feel free to do so without beating yourself up about it!

5. Always go with your gut, never with your heart & only occasionally go with your mind.
I have learned to always, always go with my gut. Whenever I haven't gone with my gut, be it regarding men, friendships, travel, career or other situations, it has always been the wrong decision. For whatever reason you are contemplating ignoring that niggling feeling down in your solar plexus - don't. Your intuition knows everything before 'you' do. The day this epiphany came to me I thought to myself 'From this day forth, I honestly, wholeheartedly, no matter what will always choose to go with my intuition. No matter what my sneaky little heart has to feel about it or my cheeky little mind has to think about it'.

6. Stop taking life so seriously. 
Everyone always says 'the one sure thing in life is death' and I'm not entirely sure If I like that quote because I do believe we create our own realities to some extent so the fact we are all 'collectively' conscious of this 'fact' (myself included) means it to be true in this realm but I've read lots about civilisations that do not will that upon themselves, especially not as soon as we do but that's conditioning for you I guess but anyway, I digress; when you wake up from a dream, you don't dwell on it and in the dream you rarely take it seriously so why do that in life? You are going to slip out of it the same way and nobody knows what's next but I think living with ambiguity and accepting it is all a part of this game in life anyway. My point is that if you know the ending anyway, why be critical about the content? Do what makes you happy in every given moment and proceed with the choices you make. 

One of the best qualities in this life is to have the ability to laugh at yourself. There is no control drama quite so draining as the defensive 'I'm so insulted' control drama. Get a grip, have a laugh, enjoy it. The ability to laugh at yourself is good for you and good for those around you and there's nothing better than an inside joke right... right?

7. Trust is everything.
In my experience you cannot continue to have an individual in your life if there is no trust there, be it a boss, a partner or a friend. If you don't trust them and they give you an icky feeling in your stomach, drop that shit like a hot potato and get on with your life. It's super hard in this day and age to know what to believe because anyone can be a master of words but talk is cheap baby. It's what people do that truly speaks volumes. The ones that are there for you when you need and want them are the ones you should be focusing on. The ones you can sit in a room with and feel completely at ease with, no energy theft or drama involved. The ones who's words are sincere, truthful and not sugar coated in a pledge to fulfil their own self-serving ego or manipulate you somehow. Acta non verba is the way to know who to trust - actions speak louder than words.

8. Time is the strongest currency 
Money is the illusion of happiness and success that has been sold to you through years of monetary focused governance. Let me tell you this, you will not care what car you have or what designer bags you've managed to accumulate throughout your lifespan when you are on your death bed so why spend your life wasting the most precious currency - time - to get those things? I will only ever spend my disposable income on experiences and travel. I only want to invest my time and money into memories and things that make my soul rich, and I'm so glad I've learned this young because I can cram a whole lot more in. Time is your most precious income, spend it wisely. Travel is the only thing you can buy that makes you richer and nothing can substitute experience. 

9. No one can love you until you do.
Once you know your true worth, they'll be no stopping you, but you cannot seek that worth outside of yourself. Before you do anything in this life you really must build your self-love, worth and respect first. I read a great analogy in a book the other day; imagine if you had an oven with an unlimited supply of pizzas, and they just kept coming into your oven so you were never hungry and a delivery man comes to your door and says 'here's some pizza, if you do everything I say, you can have this pizza'. You would obviously say 'No thanks mate, but do come in as I have lots of pizza you can have too!' However, if you didn't have any pizza or food in your kitchen and someone came to the door and said the same thing, you would probably be more inclined to agree to do whatever they want because you would be starving. Moral of the story? Don't starve yourself of love.

'He who lives for a man's compliment will die with their insult'. One of my best friends told me once that she just lets all comments outside of herself fly over her head, the positive and the negative because all she believes and cares about is her own perception of herself and that's a great way to be (within reason obviously but we aren't speaking about ego here, just confidence).

10. Until you choose to challenge it, almost everything within your belief system is a result of conditioning, be it from family, society or educating bodies, however, you will never truly evolve into your true self unless you break these down & build them back up again.
I was brought up to believe a relationship defined you. I was indirectly taught through my parents relationship and led to believe that you should stick with someone for 'security' whether they are right or wrong for you. I went to a girls school so having a boyfriend outside of school was almost an achievement? Something to be proud of? Something that deemed you worthy and pretty? It wasn't any wonder I used to believe love was something you found outside of yourself.

I was brought up to believe a meat diet full of animal products is a 'healthy balanced diet'. Hell, I was even brought up thinking it was RUDE to not continuously apologise and say thank you one million times and that I was entitled to have negative emotions towards another person if they didn't do these things.

These instilled belief systems can hurt you and stump your growth, so surely in order to lead a life of happiness and joy you cannot possibly hold on to them tightly. A rigid tree gets torn down by the wind but the bamboo tree sways with the wind right? I believed that love was sticking to someone through anything and I wasted eight years. This is not to say that I didn't learn a lot from these years; so wasted is probably for want of a better word, but I do know with hindsight on my side that I should have focused on myself and my path only, especially now I know I am here to take care of my puzzle piece only. 

I am a vegan, the only one I know in real life. For so many reasons, primarily due to my dislike for the mistreatment of animals, but also because I don't believe a word the government or the BBC has to say about health anymore, because I don't feel healthy eating animals and animal products and the list is could go on for paragraphs, but I was conditioned to have a different belief system and I broke it down and rebuilt it and it has made me a much happier person. 

Finally, I was brought up in Britain, where we're taught to get righteous and impolite when we think someone is being anything less than polite to us, it's hilarious. We are taught in England to say that special 'magic word' every time we want something, however in Spanish this does not exist, it is more so 'a magic tone'. I am not saying you shouldn't have good etiquette and respect for others, I am just saying that we should all take a few moments to think 'Is anything I've been told what I actually believe to be true?' If you even doubt it for a second, break it down and build it back up again. It's fun and we must all have a mind that open to everything and attached to nothing. It's freedom.
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3 comments

  1. Love your wise posts. Thank you for being so sweet and share all these thoughts with others. Wishing you a very Happy Easter! Liuba x

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    1. Aw thank you Liuba you absolute cutie-pie! xx

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  2. I love love love this post! Your blog is full of positivity and wisdom. X

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