Thursday, 19 September 2019

PREGNANCY GRATITUDE DIARY



I will be the first to admit, I haven't had the best time being pregnant so far. For the first three months or so, I completely lost my appetite and then every time I did eat - I would have to bring it all up. Projectile vomiting aside, I felt so tired and weak. I could literally fall asleep as soon as I got in from work even with all the lights on and the TV blaring - which is so unlike me. The Second trimester bought it's own treasures - a bout of depression, a stretched painful belly, an infected wisdom tooth which I couldn't do anything about, more sickness, the most chronic acid of my life and lots more. Although, this post really is to help me feel grateful so, rant over! Without further or do, I shall focus on the things to be grateful for during this pregnancy instead, in the hope that it may help others too.

It's a total cliché and a little bit of a spiteful thing bitter people say sometimes, but I am lucky I have conceived and have a healthy pregnancy and baby as much as we know so far. Lot's of people spend many years and a lot of money trying for a baby with heartbreaking let downs along the way, but for us it came easy and we have a healthy baby in there.

I LOVE seeing, hearing and feeling my baby. So, for me the best things about pregnancy so far have been seeing our baby at the scans, hearing her heartbeat on the monitor and feeling her move around inside my tummy. It was a massive relief to see she had everything in our third scan, but it also really brought home that there is a little human in there, which is just amazing. It's also a relief to hear her little heart is ticking just fine. Feeling her move around is amazing too because, she tends to get more active after I eat food or laugh and I feel like she's here with me. Like mother, like daughter - both tanks who don't take life too seriously - ha! 

I feel so grateful to be a pregnant woman with a home. I watched a show about homeless women in Brighton not long ago, and it really gave me some perspective of how lucky we are to be bringing a baby into our own little home. I love it here so much. I love that Riley loves it here. I love our garden, our kitchen, our bathroom, our living room, our conservatory and the bedrooms alike. I have been striving to live in a nice home for so long now and I finally have it - I even have one of those comfy fabric sofas I spoke about in my mood board years ago. Home sweet home has never felt better! I also love the area in which the house is in, it took a lot of getting used to, but I am super happy now we're settled. It has everything we need close by, it's super peaceful and it's probably the nicest area I have ever lived in.

I am grateful that I am not doing this alone. It's funny I used to say that I would happily be a single mother, before I was in this relationship of course. Let's put it down to a broken heart and grieving for my father shall we?! It was probably also because I had seen my Dad do it all by himself and that makes you less afraid of being a single parent. Now I am here though, I so am grateful that I am doing it with someone I love. I'm not saying it's been an easy ride, it hasn't but I am very happy we are doing this together. I am also grateful to have both our families by my side throughout this pregnancy too, or it would be far more shoddy than it has been. 

I am grateful that pregnancy has given me more patience and respect for my little (getting bigger) body. I put oil on every day and really take time to observe the changes in my body. I am shocked at how my body has managed to home a little human and continues to do things to protect us both constantly. It's funny, some millennial women love to express how it is just a social norm to have children, and to have to do it by a certain time. However, nothing gets you closer to nature than pregnancy. Women have been having babies since the beginning of time, pregnancy is the closest thing to normal and nature as it gets, we do have a biological clock that means we have to do this before a certain time. Pregnancy really enables you to trust your body and nature itself, and I love that. Despite it being tough sometimes for some, it is very magical journey.

I was speaking to someone at work the other day and she said that pregnancy and becoming a mother really makes you feel the sisterhood and she is so correct. I have been getting well-intended (mostly) advice from everyone I know who has had a baby. My friends and family who have had children are ready to give me things that they used when their children were born. I feel so much comfort in how you warm to one another with only the knowledge that you're joining the mama tribe. I've had wonderful conversations with people I've just met simply because they know I am pregnant and it is lovely. The whole sisterhood thing is deeper than just these beautiful encounters though, for me, it has really made me reevaluate my relationship with my own mother. In short, before being pregnant, my mother and I didn't really have a relationship, but since going through the strife I never expected, I realise that before I  was even born, she did more for me than I ever knew. I understand more why she went straight back to work and I understand the fears and worries that may have led her to make the decisions she had made. 

Pregnancy has made me a less of a judgemental fuck. I'll be honest - pre-pregnancy I used to look at pregnant women drinking coca-cola and eating pizza and judge them thinking I would only drink green smoothies and follow a completely raw diet. Now I know, you really do just have to eat what you can during the first few months - or the entire pregnancy if you have HG. I have also realised that I am not an entirely 'baby' person. I can't wait for my daughter to arrive and I can't wait to love her outside of my body. However, I have no desire to morph into one of those women who only speak about their babies and almost live their entire life through them and hide behind being just a mother. No Thank You. Which if I am honest, is kind of what I selfishly wanted from my own mother when I was growing up - realising this, has been a part of my healing process too. It has made me realise that most parents are just trying to do what is right for them and their children. This has made me feel a lot less judgemental about certain parenting styles I had such strong opinions on before too. The funny thing is - everyone is so certain of how to be a good parent - before they are becoming and have become one, as it's much easier to judge when it isn't you walking in those shoes

Pregnancy has made me even more empathetic. Being bigger has made me realise that people carrying a bit of weight are actually physically uncomfortable and that's not cool. It's made me empathise with the elderly as I now have to walk at their rate and I have so many aches and pains all over my body, I feel I understand how the ageing process feels a lot better now. It's made me empathise with any woman who has done this, any woman who has done this more than once and any woman who had other kids to look after too while they did this - absolute angel warriors I tell you! 

I LOVE having an even better excuse to not drink alcohol, to not be around smokers and to not feel pressure to go on pointless nights out. I seriously love that no-one - no-one has tried to put any pressure on me to go out this year because I am pregnant. Last year, I did a whole year alcohol-free and it was a slightly different story. However, now people just accept I am not a drinker because I am pregnant and it's great. It means I enjoy my cosy nights in even more and don't ever feel like I am letting anyone down. Hurray! Next year, I won't be able to go out or drink either, because of breastfeeding and baby-sitters either and I have pregnancy to thank for both of those things! :-) 

I LOVE being vegan more than I did before. I actually had lots of non-vegan cravings at the beginning of my pregnancy because I really craved foods that brought me nostalgia, but now we are here, I am so happy I didn't put any horrible hormones, dead animals or their secretions into either of our bodies. Yay for me for pushing through. Now I have my appetite back, I am loving veganism more than ever. There is absolutely nothing that cannot be veganised now and it's so accessible compared to when I first began my vegan journey. Happy days! 

Other things I have been feeling super grateful for: cuddles on the sofa, snuggles with my Riley, vegan pain au chocolates, fresh new pyjamas, being around women, bananas, salt and vinegar crisps, walks in nature, Sam & Billie Faires: The Mummy Diaries, Mummy Instagram's, friends who have had children, having a bath followed by a shower (so happy to have both now), fruit smoothies, decaf tea, almond mylk, my pregnancy pillow, cosy blankets, maternity leggings, my maternity support belly band, trainers, wearing all black, AMAZON, candles, coconut oil, rose hip oil, aromatherapy oils, being driven around, being able to drink water again, taking off my bra after a long day, fresh sheets, having dinners cooked for me, the apps that tell you the size of your baby compared to fruit and veg, Jane the Virgin on NETFLIX, Killing Eve, Peaky Blinders, Home ware Shopping, Poundland, Charity Shop Shopping, Payday, Lazy days, and so much more. There is so much to be grateful for, even when pregnancy has you feeling down...

Peace Out Potatoes xo






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